I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
