i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
