I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
