I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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