I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
