guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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