please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
