...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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