Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
