so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
