My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
