When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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