I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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