so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
