i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
