how hairy? two words: wookie tits
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
only you would photoshop your dick
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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