I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
