ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
