I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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