dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
