Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
