either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
