he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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