please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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