you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't turn off my feet"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
