I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
