I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
