Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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