hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
