well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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