Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
