In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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