Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
