i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
