the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
