Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
