Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
