Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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