It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
