honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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