umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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