somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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