I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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