Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
