3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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