Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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