I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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