I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
