Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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