those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
