I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
