Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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