I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
