It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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